Politicians making bets involving sporting events is nothing new, but this one raises the stakes. With Denver facing Miami in the NBA Finals we have a proposal from Colorado governor Jared Polis which might have legs.
Florida governor Ron DeSantis, finger pudding eater and presidential candidate, has been feuding with Disney in an attempt to establish he actually has a personality. DeSantis is in the process of getting sued by the entertainment giant — so getting Disney World out of his back yard would probably relieve some headaches for him.
The issue here is what would Florida get from Colorado, should the Heat win? After careful consideration I have some ideas:
- Legal weed: Because Florida really needs to chill
- The Coors brewing company: The benefit here for DeSantis is that he brings beer into Florida that isn’t Bud Light, playing to his base
- 550 million tons of dirt, harvested from the Rocky Mountains: The dirt can be used to just add elevation to the lower third of Florida to help prevent it from being underwater by 2100
DeSantis, who is so insecure about his height that he wears lifts, has not yet responded to the bet proposal — and he probably won’t. At this point the governor has much more important things on his plate like trying to rob citizens of their rights, establish that he’s more than the world’s dullest meat puppet, and trying to get Twitter Spaces to work.
Still, we can dream of a world where political sports bets actually mean something to all of us.