We tried to draft Halloween candy for fun and it turned into anarchy

I hadn’t intended to write this blog. We had planned to do a group draft of Halloween candy and then I’d dive into grading everyone’s classes. It was going to be light, fun, and a small enjoyable morsel for you to enjoy on this holiday.

Three picks in everything was fine, and then all hell broke loose. The traditional, beloved Reece’s Cup was taken with the No. 1 overall pick, and then our own Jeanna Kelley selected “Reece’s Pumpkins” with the No. 4 pick.

Immediately a candy schism emerged between those who believe Reece’s Cups and Reece’s Pumpkins are intrinsically the same candy, and those who believed there was enough fundamental difference that they are two distinct products.

If you think this was a quick conversation you are so very wrong.

Let’s map out the camps of candy arguments we had here.

  • Structural individualists: These people believe that Cups and Pumpkins are two distinct candies governed by their external shape and differing makeup due to these shape differences.
  • Composition fundamentalists: The Cup and Pumpkin are the same thing, because they share identical core qualities regardless of their shape.
  • Absolute anarchists: No particularly strong feeling on either outside of embracing chaos.

When the dust settled the drafters had chosen absolute anarchy by letting the pumpkins slide, which opened up a whole other host of questions.

Even after 10 minutes, we were still arguing about Reece’s classification.

The selection of the Reece’s Pumpkin changed the entire draft. Suddenly everyone was looking for a way to cheat the system. Trying to find their own Connor Stalions to scout potential candies and subvert what was supposed to be wonderful.

These were our draft classes in the end. I will not be handing out grades. May God have mercy on their souls.

SB Nation Halloween Candy Draft 2023

Name Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Round 4
Name Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Round 4
David Fucillo Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Nestle Crunch Candy corn Hot Tamales
Bill Hanstock Snickers Peanut M&Ms Krackel Twizzlers
Kerith Gabriel Twix AirHeads Haribo Gold Bears Heath Bars
Jeanna Kelley Reese’s pumpkins Butterfinger Mr. Goodbar Chewy SweeTarts
Mark Schofield Plain M&Ms Skittles Starburst Three Musketeers
Jacolby Hart Reese’s Big Cup Peanut Butter Twix Trolli Sour Crawlers Milk Duds
Kyle Posey Kit Kat Peanut Butter M&Ms Jolly Ranchers Raisinets
J.P. Acosta Miky Way Reese’s Pieces Sour Patch Kids Crunch

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